God loves me so much...

It really blows me away sometimes to think just how much God loves ME...He loves me when I am following His will, His word, and His way. He loves me when I am walking in circles or stumbling along tripping over stones I, myself, have tossed in my own path. He just loves me, Fantacy. He knows my name, He knows my fears, He knows my heart, He knows my thoughts....He knows ME and He still loves me...isn't that amazing?!
Most of you who read my blog, know that I have never hidden my faith and that MOST of the time I have an unwavering peace and joy regardless of the situation. This past week was not necessarily a week where I felt that. I should have...I should have known that it would all turn out, but alas, I really am human....*gasp* I know! Can you hardly believe it?! ;)
A couple of weeks ago, dear hubs let me know that there was no money for Christmas. I know most of you are thinking "yeah, times are hard, we don't have much for Christmas either," BUT I mean we had NONE, NADA, ZIP, ZILCH, ZERO...get the idea. Hubby said that the kids just were going to have to learn that times are rough and sometimes these things happen. In concept that is fine and dandy. Life isn't fair but God always loves us and sometimes love just has to be enough. Ok, yeah, fine....but how do you explain that to a 10 yr old who is trying desperately to hang on to the idea that maybe there is a Santa even though he knows there isn't and a 4 year old that has been going on and on about the big Santa-man for the last month and a half because she has a list of things she has not been able to have this year b/c of our finances (nothing huge, just some things that she has asked for and didn't get). Lane is 13 1/2 now, he would completely understand, but it would kinda stink anyway. So in true, worry-wart fashion, I began to fret and stress and panic. I sat down for 2 1/2 days and entered in all sorts of blog contests (over 200 blogs and over 500 comments by my guesstimation). I applied at a couple more stores for employment (no answers/call backs as of yet). I asked about "giving-trees" and other things available to people in our situation (nothing back from those yet with word about if we qualify). You get the picture.
Mine and hubs bday was last Thursday (yep we have the same bday), but with all the help our families have given us this past year we didn't expect anything more than a birthday phone call...and hubs check was about as much as local teens make to work at McD's (I am not complaining, just explaining that when mortgage and bills are due and you are a family of 5, it doesn't quite make the cut) and Christmas is fast approaching...
I found out early last week that I won one of the giveaways for an adorable fleece poncho with hidden inner pockets (very Li'l Red Riding Hood-ish and VERY Tink)...
this is a $40 poncho from Pony Sisters Ponchos!!!! The Chic Shopper Chick is the one who so generously posted the blog post giving this adorable poncho away :), go visit her blog and leave some love!
Then I entered a pic of Tink in her Halloween Costume on Leigh's blog, Welcome to Bloggeritaville. I really never expected to win after I saw how many great costumes there were....I mean, seriously, The Goblin King (from Labrynth), cute baby devils, darling lil baby chicks, rock n rollers, bobby sockers, adorable crying buglets, and The King himself...yes folks a tiny lil mini Elvis! And those are just a few! But I busted butt, emailed family, friends, momentary acquaintences....yeah pretty much everyone I could think of and asked them to vote (totally forgot to post a blog post...duh...) and lo & behold SHE WON! I had no clue what the prize was, but I had so much fun hanging out in Bloggeritaville that I honestly didn't really care what the prize was! Leigh's humor, love of her family, and love of life in general just shine through her blog! Go to her blog, read some, laugh a lot, and leave her some love too! Well come to find out, the prize was an absolutely adorable, absolutely must have been made with Tink in mind, absolutely PERFECT for my little girl reversible "flipside" hat
from the Cat in an Apron store!!!! Marne (the owner/amazing "sewing mastermind") was SO sweet when she emailed me to get Tink's size and my preference for which hat I wanted :D, and she even blogged about Tinker & her costume *HERE* Seriously go leave her some love, she even called me a cool mama ;)!!!....THEN...ah yes there is MORE!!!! On Wednesday night I get yet another email letting me know that I have won the creme-de-la-creme of baby doll strollers on a different blog!!! Karen, FrugalMomnyof2Girls, had a giveaway for a Joovy Toy Caboose (I love the blue one) and I won!!!!!
Seriously (wow I say/type that a lot...hm...random thought), this is not just a normal $5 walmart stroller here, we are talking a top of the line, decked out, super deluxe model that, I believe, costs more than the stroller we bought to push Tink around in when SHE was little!!!! I about croaked, right here at my desk....seriously! ;) Karen, like the ladies before her, was so amazingly sweet when she emailed me to let me know...I went on and on like a blathering idiot for probably a good 4 or 5 emails to her and she never made me feel stupid about it....**I hope you were sitting down for that announcement...you know the very shocking one...the one that stated I went on and on like a blathering idiot...I know, I know, I am just chock full of surprises tonight huh?** Anyway, out of all those blogs I entered for, the ones I won were so specifically perfect for Tink! Coincidence? I think NOT!
Thursday was our bday (as I said, but figured after all that reading you might have forgotten) and each of our parents gave us money...Can we say Fantacy had a big ol' snot slingin, tear jerkin' time the last few days?! Most of that went toward bills for the month, but Mike said that I could take part of it and put towards a few things for the boys for Christmas (um yeah, only the boys...have you not read the paragraph before this one?! Tink is taken care of completely for Christmas!!!) :). I know to most of you, that would not be a big deal, but for us it is huge to take any money from "bills" for anything that is not a total necessity (be praying hubs gets a better job, installing cable for the company he is with is just not a good place for him emotionally OR financially...grrrr, but that is neither here nor there in this post lol). So I had a list of things that they wanted which were things like (Elijah) A basketball, a basketball pump, a slinky...not one of those little ones that don't do stuff, a BIG one that goes down the stairs, a video game, I-Coaster, and a baseball bat...(Lane) a Jack Skellington long sleeve shirt, a cd, the Airplane dvd (Leslie Neilsen), and some Christian t-shirts (ones we saw at Walmart), $10 gift cert. to Hot Topic if no one can get me the Jack Skellington shirt....
Those were their lists....ages 10 and 13 1/2...I was so proud of them because I KNOW there are several expensive things I have overheard them wishing for to one another and they didn't ask for those things...kids understand more than we give them credit for ;)....*sniffle* ugh...OK ANYWAY....so I took part of our birthday money and was able to get a $20 basketball at Target for $4.98!!! got the pump for a little bit more than that there, then went to walmart and got his slinky (Elijah's Christmas....complete). Now, wal-mart had these great Christian based t-shirts last week...LAST WEEK i said...that lane wanted. Sometime in the couple of days since he asked for them, they had been clearanced and sold completely out!!!! My heart sunk :(. I went looking for the dvd he wanted which I had also seen just a few days before on the $5 rack and yep, you guessed it, nowhere to be found!!!! I was frantic b/c I had already looked at another nearby wal-mart and had called MIL who checked her wal-mart and none of them had it....so I mentioned it to the CSM at the front of the store and she told me not to leave until we were 100% sure they didn't have the shirts or movie. Her and another employee walked the entire store looking for the shirts (which were, in fact, sold out after all)! Then she and I went to electronics again and she told a young man who was working to come help look for this movie (keep in mind there are 4 sides to this movie rack and a big hole in the middle...literally hundreds of movies that I had already spent over 1/2 hour looking through myself). We searched high and low and couldn't find one...then just as we were standing up to admit defeat, the young man says "WAIT....HOLD UP...." and he stands up holding the movie!!!!!!! He found one that someone had shoved onto the floor behind the rack!!!! I know it is something so small and kinda "so what" but when your kid asks for so little, it makes it a huge deal....THEN today after church we went to another walmart and I found 3 of the t-shirts Lane was wanting!!!!
And thanks to my sister and her hubs, we got to go out for lunch after church with a gift certificate they gave us for our bday...sigh...
Ok, I shared all of that to say again, "seriously, isn't it amazing how much God loves me?!" I don't believe it was just chance how things played out. I don't think that it is anything less than wonderful that God provided for a desire of my heart (for my kids to have Christmas gifts under our tree). I don't think that it is any less than amazing that He continues to bless us in spite of ourselves, our doubt, our worry (and isn't that all worry is, is doubt that He can/will take care of things?), and our pride......
I just want to thank Him publically for Leigh, Karen, Marne, Erika and their blogs/sites. I thank Him for Michelle, Michael, & Cheray at Walmart...I thank Him for the birthday gifts that made shopping for the boys possible....and I thank Him for just loving me and for loving you.....

I do have a prayer request, if you are a praying woman....My mom was mowing Thursday evening (without goggles of course *rolls eyes*) and a rock flew up from under the mower and hit her directly on the pupil. Her eye lid couldn't react quick enough so it barely caught her eyelashes and hit on her open eye. At first they thought that she had detached the lens and would quite possibly lose that eye, but the next morning when she was reexamined they believe that she just seriously tore the lens and had some somewhat serious bleeding within the eye. As of this evening, she said she can see cloudy figures through it (the swelling is finally down enough for her to open it), but the pain is still severe. She goes back Tuesday for the doctor to look at it again. Please be praying that God just touches her and gives her a miraculous healing that will touch her in such a way that she can't remain so distant from Him anymore. She is only 48 and the thought of losing her vision (or the entire eye) is almost more than I think she could bear. She already suffers from depression, ocd, and just overall grumpiness ;) most days and I know that if she could just see how much God loves HER, she could overcome a lot of that (She is a Christian but doesn't really seek God out or work on growing in her faith at all). SO if you would, just pray for my momma, Juanita.
Love and hugs!!!! and remember, no matter how cliche it sounds, God really DOES love you!